Almost everyone has a dildo or vibrator. Very few people own a fucking machine. Which is understandable. Fuck machines are bulky, expensive and intimidating.
Conversely, though, they are a huge amount of fun.
In contrast to most other toys, fuck machines provide pleasure by actually fucking, not vibrating or massaging. If you or your partner derive particular pleasure from being fucked forcefully, at length, or with superhuman consistency, you’ll likely enjoy a fuck machine.
But even if you’re fairly sure you’ll enjoy it, it’s a lot of money to lay down for a single toy. Here, then, are some notes to help you purchase the right sex machine for you, and get the most out of it once you do.
Contents
Why do people enjoy fuck machines?
Things to consider before buying a fuck machine
Recommended fuck machine peripherals
Why do people enjoy fuck machines?
There are many reasons why people enjoy fuck machines. Here are a few of them.
Thrusting stimulation
Unlike most other toys, fuck machines thrust. For people who enjoy being fucked, that’s a big deal. Many people find the pleasure they get from being pounded by a sex machine to be more intense (or simply different) from the pleasure they get from either fucking themselves with a dildo, or stimulating themselves with a vibrator.
Of course, it’s also worth noting that fuck machines can be combined with other toys to allow you to enjoy the sensation of being fucked while masturbating with your fingers, a vibe, or another toy.
Limitless fucking
Fuck machines don’t get tired – they carry on for as long as you want, at whatever pace you want. If you or your partner can’t get enough of being penetrated, a fuck machine gives you the option of having as much penetration as you want.
Hands-off stimulation
When properly set up, a good fuck machine can fuck you or your partner without you having to hold it in place. This hands-free stimulation is something that a lot of people really enjoy – it essentially allows for masturbation without you having to touch yourself. Delightful.
Superhuman endurance
Fuck machines can fuck faster and harder than most humans can. If you or your partner enjoy very rough or very rapid fucking, you can enjoy this for hours at a time with a fuck machine.
Works well with partners
A fuck machine can be a toy that you use for masturbation… but it also works well with a partner. If you have fantasies of having a threesome, but don’t want to let another human into your relationship, a fuck machine makes an excellent silent third. It’s versatile, obedient, lasts for ages, and does exactly what it’s told at all times.
Things to consider before buying a fuck machine
There are some important things to consider before actually going ahead and purchasing a fuck machine. Here are the most pertinent.
Storage space
Most fuck machines are somewhat bulky – even when packed away for storage. You’ll need a place to store your new purchase.
While smaller toys can be discretely stowed in a drawer, a fuck machine is a much more noticeable thing to have on a shelf. Do you have a place to store your new toy where it won’t be visible to everyone who visits your home?
Usage space
As well as taking up a lot of storage space, fuck machines also need a relatively large surface on which to be used. Most fuck machines cannot be used on a bed – so you’ll need a good clear area of floor (about two square meters for most machines). Do you have enough space in a room that’s discrete and comfortable to use your fuck machine?
And, on top of that, is the surface you plan to use it on comfortable? If being on all fours on the floor is uncomfortable, you may not enjoy using your fuck machine as much as you’d like.
If you want to make your floor more comfortable, I’d recommend these floor tiles. They allow you to play on the floor without hurting your knees, and are much easier to clean than carpet.
Finally, some fuck machines need to be fixed in position before use. There are many ways to do this – you can tape or zip-tie a machine down to keep it in place, position against a wall or other piece of furniture, or secure it using more permanent fixings. Either way, you should consider how you’re going to keep your fuck machine stationary when it’s in use.
Adequate peripherals
Your fuck machine will come with one or two dildos that can be fitted to it. Most (but not all) fuck machines can be fitted with other dildos… but only if they’re compatible. You may find that your favourite dildo can’t be mounted on your fuck machine, and have to go hunting for a replacement.
Pay attention to how toys are mounted on your fuck machine of choice. It’s usually a vac-u-lock system, which means that only vac-u-lock dildos will be compatible.
Recommended fuck machines
Portable thrusting toys
These are the smallest, cheapest and most portable type of fuck machine. They’re also… well… not very good. They generally look something like this:
While these toys do allow you to explore the sensation of being fucked by a machine without spending a lot of money, they fall short in several ways. Common complaints include:
- They have to be held in place, ruining the “hands-free” orgasm element
- If they have a suction cup for mounting to a wall, it generally doesn’t work
- The motors are weak and don’t provide much power
- They break very easily and don’t last for long even if you’re careful with them
- The dildo can’t be swapped out for another that better suits you
On the other hand they are significantly cheaper than almost any other fuck machine, and also take up less space – both of which are perfectly good reasons to give one a shot if you think you might enjoy it.
If so, I’d recommend the Lovehoney Love Motion Remote Control Warming Thrusting Sex Machine (available from Lovehoney UK and Lovehoney US). The suction cup is next to useless, but if you don’t mind holding the toy in place it provides some very pleasing stimulation.
Mini sex machines
A compact sex machine generally doesn’t have the height or adjustability of a full-size one, but they do take up a lot less space. You’ll generally have to be a little creative with how you mount or position the machine in order to enjoy it, but if you’re willing to be inventive and patient these can be every bit as good as any larger model.
I’d recommend the RoboFuk Deluxe Unisex Thrusting Dildo And Masturbator Sex Machine (available from Bondara). This comes with attachments for use by both male and female users. The controls are simple, but it has a decent amount of power. Again, the suction cups are useless, and the attachments cannot be swapped out for others.
A cheaper and more compact option is the Full Throttle Sex Machine With Dildo (available from Bondara). Again, you’ll need to find a way to anchor it before play, and the dildo cannot be swapped out. It looks and feels a little cheap, but has a decent amount of power.
Sit on sex machines
These are sex machines where the user sits on top of the device and is penetrated from beneath. They can only really be used in this one position… but if you enjoy being on top, these might be a good choice for you.
If storage space is an issue, you could opt for the Dark Magic Inflatable Remote Control Thrusting Sex Machine (available from Lovehoney UK and Lovehoney US). The inflatable nature of this product means that it packs down very small and can be easily transported. Being inflatable, though, it’s a little less stable that some of its contemporaries, and it may be difficult to relax into enjoying it.
A more expensive but comfortable alternative is the Cloud 9 F-Slider Ride-On Sex Chair (available from Lovehoney UK and Lovehoney US). This is a thrusting toy powered by the user’s own movements. As you rock back and forth on the chair, a dildo thrusts into you from beneath. While this might sound less appealing than a powered alternative, it actually works extremely well.
This chair comes with adaptors so that it can be used with most dildos (provided they’re firm enough). Vac-u-lock dildos will be the most secure, but it also includes an adaptor for other toys. Since it’s not powered, it has the advantage of being much quieter than some alternatives… but it’s also quite a workout to use.
Standard sex machines
Standard sex machines consist of a thrusting dildo mounted on a piston. They generally sit on legs, like a little coffee table – and can be adjusted for different heights and angles of penetration. This is what most people think of when they think of a fuck machine.
I’d recommend the F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine (available from Bondara and Uberkinky). It’s compact, but has enough height and variability that it can be used in a variety of positions. It packs away very neatly and can be easily transported. It also works with any vac-u-lock dildo, and has a remote control.
Recommended fuck machine peripherals
Finding compatible vac-u-lock dildos for use with your fuck machine can be a little tricky sometimes. Dildos need to be firm and about the right size to sit on the machine without flopping around. Here are a few that I’ve found which work fairly well.
The Doc Johnson Vac-U-Lock Realistic Feel Advanced Strap-On Dildo Set (available from Lovehoney UK and Lovehoney US) includes a selection of dildos that will work with a vac-u-lock compatible fuck machine… and also with a strap-on harness.
The Doc Johnson Vac-U-Lock 7 inch Natural Dildo (available from Uberkinky) is also a good contender for use with a fuck machine. It should be compatible with any machine that uses vac-u-lock, and is thick and firm enough to work well. If the size and shape don’t float your boat, of course, Uberkinky has a whole range of vac-u-lock compatible dildos to choose from.
Alternatives to fuck machines
Of course, thrusting fuck machines aren’t for everyone. There are a couple of other toys that are often described as sex machines that you might want to consider instead.
The first is a Sybian or other ridable sex machine. These don’t have any thrusting action, but instead just vibrate very, very powerfully. They have a reputation for being extremely orgasm-inducing… but, like many sex machines, are also quite bulky, loud and eye-wateringly expensive. Many people who’ve tried one, though, report that the stimulatory properties of these toys more than make up for their pricetag.
If you’re interested in this kind of toy, I’d recommend the Cowgirl Premium App Controlled Sex Machine (available from Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney US and Bondara). It’s loud, expensive, heavy and bulky… but also extremely good.
There are also male stroker sex toys, into which you strap a fleshlight so that it can auto-stroke you. These are bulky, expensive, and generally don’t work very well, but if you’d like to give one a shot nonetheless I’d recommend the Fleshlight Launch Universal Stroking Stimulator (available from Lovehoney UK).
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