Breath play, breath control, choking or asphyxiation play – whatever you call it, it’s a popular kink. It shows up in mainstream porn, and is a key feature in the fantasies of many kinky people. Even outside of kink communities, many people fantasise about being choked, and engage in oxygen deprivation games for fun and frolics.
Ubiquitous as it is, though, breath play is also extremely dangerous. If you fuck up while engaging in breath play, you can kill someone, or die. This is something that can happen instantly, inexplicably, and which cannot ever be fully guarded against. And it’s something that actually happens to at least a few people every year.
The danger inherent in breath play leads to a paradoxical lack of information about how to do it safely. Very few breath play resources exist online, simply because few people want to provide instruction for something which, if done slightly wrong or for slightly too long, results in instant death.
For that exact reason, in fact, we won’t be providing instructions for breath play techniques here. Instead, you’ll find below a curated list of breath play resources from people much more qualified to talk about safe strangulation. If you’re interested in breath play, consider these a starting point for your research.
Contents
Resources for safer breath play
Resources for safer breath play
The Writings of Jay Wiseman
Not everyone loves Jay Wiseman, but he’s written a lot about breath play and it would be insane not to include him here. Why is he controversial? Some people feel as though his approach to breath play amounts to nothing more than a warning not to do it.
The trouble is, of course, that someone who is interested in breath play is likely to engage in it even if you tell them very sternly not to. Especially so, in fact. So are Wiseman’s (very thorough and very scary) writings on the subject really of any value?
I’d argue that they are. You should be a little bit nervous about doing breath play. You should have an appreciation of the dangers. Wiseman is clear that he doesn’t expect people never to engage in breath play… only that people should know and accept that there isn’t any truly safe way to do it. He doesn’t offer advice about harm reduction, but it’s certainly still worthwhile being aware of his work.
The Complete Manual of Breath play
This very short, very informal set of notes is authored by an unqualified non-expert, based on their own personal learning. It cannot be considered authoritative or (despite the title) complete. However, if you’ve not done much reading on breath play before it represents an accessible and digestible introduction to some of the complexities involved.
Sexplanations & Watts the Safeword
Two clear, non-judgemental video overviews of breath play, each with a strong focus on harm reduction. These are an excellent starting point for safer breath play. They cover different kinds of breath play, some of which are safer and some of which are more dangerous. They also cover some golden rules for enjoying breath play without… you know… dying horribly.
An added advantage to these video rundowns is that they’re both free, funny, immediately accessible and – crucially – thoroughly un-creepy. These are breath play resources that you can comfortably share with your pals who might be interested.
Stefanos & Shay breath play articles
A brief overview of different forms of breath play, and some of the less-obvious dangers involved. A great read to widen your awareness of breath play. The author also makes a great case against simply telling people not to do breath play, and writes on the stratification of different breath play activities.
Worth a read. And the author has also written with great clarity and sensitivity on a number of other edge play practises. Want an informed perspective on testicle skewering or hardcore impact play too? Great. Go take a look.
Breath play alternatives
Has all that talk of death put you off? Have you weighed up the options and decided that, sexy as it may be, breath control is just too risky for you to enjoy? That’s fine and dandy. Here are some mild alternatives that you can try to explore this fantasy with minimal risk to yourself.
Holding your breath
Holding your breath while you do sexy fun things is a form of breath play, but it’s one of the safest and most mild forms in existence. Many people even do it unconsciously while they masturbate. It feels good, and the danger is minimal.
Which isn’t, by the way, to say that the danger is totally absent. Holding your breath can, in certain circumstances, be imminently detrimental to your health. However, of all the forms of breath play you can engage in, this is one of the easiest, least intimidating, and least dangerous.
Tantra
Tantric sex is slow, meditative, and all about the experience rather than any climax which may or may not take place. If you’ve never tried it, it is absolutely worth experimenting with.
One element of Tantra is a focus on breathing. You might sync your breathing with your partner, slow your breathing, quicken it, breath hard for a feeling of strength and power, and more besides. It’s not about controlling someone’s breath, nor about depriving them of oxygen… but it touches on some similar areas, and may allow you to access some similar physical effects.
Psychological stuff
Much of what makes BDSM fun happens inside the brain. You don’t have to choke someone to make them feel the fear or excitement or intense burst of adrenaline that comes with being choked. Sometimes a hand on the neck and a few carefully-chosen words are sufficient to create a level of excitement that competes with breath play, but sans much of the danger.
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