For some people, there’s no better way to demonstrate affection than with a severe beating – be that with the palm of a hand, a belt, a tawse, or any other purpose-made implement. Even some committedly vanilla couples admit to enjoying the odd spanking session – while at the opposite end of the rainbow are whole subgroups that do nothing but whale on each other with differently-shaped bits of leather.
Wherever you fall on that spectrum, if you’ve never delivered a spanking before you may have a few questions – chief among them how you can give your partner the thrashing they want without actually harming them. Here’s a complete beginner’s guide to mutually enjoyable beatings.
Contents
Dynamics: why are you doing this?
Dynamics: why are you doing this?
The obvious answer to this question is because it’s fun. Which holds up under scrutiny, naturally. But, when it comes to administering a loving beating to your human-of-choice, you can maximise enjoyment by giving some thought to the effect that you’re shooting for.
Is this, for example, a punishment – something that’s unequivocally supposed to hurt and which they will have little control over? Or is it foreplay, and thus somewhat lighter and given more with their pleasure in mind? Is it something that’s designed solely to get your rocks off as a sadist? Is it sexual? Are you playing a role? Work this stuff out before you begin, and you’ll generally be in for a much better scene.
Implements and warming up
I gave some coverage to almost every conceivable spanking implement in this living list of toys and tools. Some things are whippy, some broad, some heavy, some awkward. It’s a beautiful rainbow of potential ouchiness. Take your pick from what you have available. A bare hand or a leather belt are great choices for first-timers, since you almost certainly (apologies to any belt-less double amputees) have at least one of these items lying around your house.
Depending on how masochistic your partner is, you may want to begin with a warm-up spanking before getting into the hard stuff. This means starting with your hand or a broader, more bottom-friendly implement (and a degree of moderation) before working your way up to the hard stuff.
By starting slow you give your partner a chance to get used to being hit, and to start producing fun-time happy hormones that will help them process and enjoy the pain. If you’re angling for this to be a punishment, you can skip the warm-up or shorten it, and go for something painful from the start – although bear in mind that warming up might enable your partner to take a punishment for longer than they otherwise would be able to bear.
Where to aim for
The safest place to hit your partner is on their ass. Preferably somewhere between the fleshiest part of their buttocks and the line where their buttocks meet their thighs. Aiming for this area keeps you away from the small of their back, where they store their delicious (sensitive) kidneys. Don’t hit them in the kidneys. That’s not nice.
Other areas to avoid include joints, or anywhere where bones run close to the surface of the skin. The spine, neck and any squishy areas that cover internal organs are also no-go zones. Basically, for entry-level beatings, stick to the ass, the upper back on either side of the spine, and the thighs. Once you’ve got your eye in, you can graduate to the soles of the feet and breasts. Some people like to get smacked in the genitals, but that’s definitely an “ask first” rather than a “try it and see how they react” kind of kink.
How hard and how long?
With a new partner it can often take a little while to figure how hard is just right. Some people like to be beaten until they can’t sit down without a twinge of regret. Some people like to be only mildly tenderised. If in doubt, ask.
You can also have your partner provide feedback as you’re spanking them. Tell them to count the strokes you give – their tone of voice as they do should tell you something about how close they are to their pain limit. If they sound like they just found a mouse in their cereal, consider easing up a little. Alternatively, use a nought-to-ten scale. Have them rate the severity of each stroke they receive, and adjust as appropriate.
Obviously, your partner should have some way of calling a halt to things if necessary. You’ve probably already thought about a safeword, safegesture or other ways of stopping play. In case you haven’t, you might get a kick out of this handy little guide.
Positions and restraints
There’s an obvious advantage to using restraints during a spanking – they prevent your partner from moving, and thus stop you from missing your mark. Likewise a judiciously-applied pair of cuffs means that they won’t do the completely natural thing that a lot of people do when whipped on the ass, which is to reach back with their hands to try and shield themselves from further pain (an ineffective tactic, since being accidentally whacked on the hand officially hurts like a bitch).
The position someone takes while receiving a beating can also make a difference to its severity. If your partner is on all fours the skin of their buttocks will be more taut than if they were lying flat on their front, and any strokes there will consequently sting a whole lot more. Basically, over-the-knee spankings are a lot less severe than those delivered to a partner who is bent at the waist and gripping their ankles.
Variability
Most of my ramblings thus far have been about how to deliver a safe spanking. With that more or less in the bag, I thought it worth mentioning that for many people a good spanking involves more than you just unloading on them like you’re ringing a bell. Experiment. Try different implements and different positions. Try restraints. Gags. Blindfolds. Let your partner feel the texture of a given implement before you hit them with it. Hold them while you hurt them. Etc. People like to be beaten in as many different and various ways as they like to be fucked. And that’s a beautiful thing.
Troubleshooting
It’s not uncommon for things to get a little out of whack during a prolonged beating. Here are some of the most common issues. Don’t freak out about them, but keep them in mind and know what your plan is to deal if they do come up.
Breaking the skin
Some implements – canes and whips in particular – can break the skin. Maybe that’s what you want, you kinky fruit loop, you. Good for you. If you’d prefer to avoid this eventuality, make sure you’re judicious in your choice of implements. Be accurate and patient, and don’t unload on your partner like you’re trying to beat your high score on whack-a-mole. Cuts and grazes can be dealt with during aftercare. Clean, disinfect and stick a cute little plaster on if absolutely necessary.
Missing the mark
It’s easy enough to miss a stroke – especially with thin, whippy implements like canes. These have a tendency to wrap around, with the excess length hitting a spot you didn’t intend to hit. Stick to the fleshy parts of your partner if you want to minimise the chance of a miss doing any harm, and work your way gradually up to harder strikes to improve your accuracy.
Extreme bruising
Huge crazy bruises look great and get a tonne of likes on FetLife, but they can cause issues sometimes. If you’re new to spanking your partner, don’t aim to bruise them like an Asda Value peach. Rein it in a little when they start changing colour.
Keeping implements clean
Some implements are porous – wooden canes and leather floggers, for example. This means that if you draw blood (even a teeny, tiny amount) it’ll seep into the implement and potentially make it gross and infectious. Clean non-porous toys like you really, really mean it, and keep porous items for use only on one specific individual. Love is having your own personal cane, after all.
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Even about something as seemingly straightforward as spanking there’s a hell of a lot to know. When I first started playing I didn’t think about it. How complicated could it be to smack someone with a leather belt? Matter of fact I thought the people who got really interested in technique or whatever were comitted spankos. The people who did nothing but spanking. But actually technique makes a difference and like everything in kink, knowing what you’re doing makes a huge difference. Wish I’d read this a couple of years ago. It would have made me a better dom sooner, I think.
Just goes to show, you never know what you don’t know. Glad you found it useful – and feel free to share it far and wide if you think it’ll help people. Thanks for reading!
Birches are another thing that cannot be cleaned, and should be used with one partner only. In fact, unless you know how to properly care for them, most birches should be treated as disposable, as they’ll soon dry out, and become brittle.
Yep – I’ve got a whole other article in mind to do with caring for canes and wooden toys, but it’s a way off yet. Thanks for reading!
Eye-opening. Would never have thought there was so much technique involved in smacking an arse with a belt.
What can I say? I’m a massive nerd and I like getting into detail.
I only recently discovered how many nuances and important tips there are when it comes to spanking, whipping beating etc. This is a great list, and also a great source for some inspiration and ideas for our future chastisements… Thanks
You had me wetting my jockeys with some the shit you were saying 🤣😂. “Unloading on them like your ringing a bell” 🤣😂.
Glad you enjoyed!