Hard Limit

A hard limit is a way of categorising a kinky activity that you know for certain that you don’t want to do. For example, you might say that “anything foot related is a hard limit for me” to indicate that you don’t want to do anything that involves the feet.

Hard limits are in contrast to soft limits. Categorising something as a soft limit is a way of indicating that you find it scary or challenging, but are open to exploring.

Being able to talk about hard limits and soft limits is very useful for negotiation. If you want to play with other kinky people, it’s a good idea to be able to list your hard and soft limits… and to ask other people what theirs are.

Both tops (dominants) and bottoms (submissives) can have hard limits.

It is good etiquette to respect everybody’s hard limits, and not try to persuade them to change their minds about their hard limits. This applies even if their hard limits are things that you really, really enjoy.

Someone who knowingly disregards your stated hard limits may be a bad person to play with, as doing so shows little regard for your safety or comfort.

People have lots of reasons for having hard limits. They may decide that a particular activity is a hard limit because:

• They are grossed out by the very idea of it
• They have an injury that makes it impossible for them to explore
• They’ve had bad experiences with that activity in the past
• They’ve fully explored that activity and really didn’t enjoy it

There are certain things that are often listed as hard limits that actually don’t need to be. Activities like bestiality are illegal, unethical, and not acceptable in kink contexts. There’s no need to specify that bestiality is a hard limit for you, because it’s already a hard limit for society in general.