How to Deal with Blackmail

If it’s never happened to you, blackmail can sound rather like one of those crimes that only happens in period dramas. Actually, much like murder for hire, it’s a pretty mundane crime that happens way more than you think.

This is doubly so for anyone involved in the kink scene. Without knowing how the police might react to the harmless activities consenting adults undertake in the privacy of their own homes, it can be difficult to get help.

The UK legal system is pretty much a black box when it comes to kink. You might get help, or the sputtering machine of justice might decide to destroy your entire life instead. Thus, for many people, getting help from the authorities just isn’t an option.

So what can you do instead? And how can you avoid being blackmailed in the first place?

No face pictures

Dear FetLife. This is a thing we need to talk about. The inclusion of face pictures on FetLife profiles has been weirdly normalized, with some (morons) even touting the view that if you don’t include a picture of your face you must have something to hide.

This is Grade A nonsense. Do not post a picture showing your face on a FetLife profile. Or, if you do, accept that it is out there just the same as if you posted it on any other open forum on the internet.

Because FetLife is an open forum. Anyone can join, and anyone can access it with a minimum of effort. It is not “secure”. It is as public as a street corner.

FetLife aside, if you want to send sexy pictures to someone you don’t know that well… good. More power to you (assuming they’re into it too). But keep your face (or identifying tattoos) out of it until you definitely trust them.

Oh, and don’t send the same picture to multiple people. By sharing unique images you’ll know who leaked them if they do get leaked.

Be mildly tech-savvy

Blackmail threats don’t just come from people you know. Random attacks and ransomware are increasingly being used to get people over a barrel (and not in a fun way). Thankfully, you can implement some pretty basic security measures to make it much less likely that you’ll be a victim to this kind of attack.

Cover the camera on your laptop computer. If anyone mocks you for being paranoid, point them towards the well-known and reported fact that webcams are routinely used to spy on innocent people by both criminals and government agencies.

Install anti-virus (AVG is free, and good) and anti-malware (Malwarebytes does good work) software, and run routine scans. Use strong passwords. Check to see if your details have been leaked and change your passwords if they have. Change your passwords every so often just as a matter of course.

Learn to identify empty threats

In the vast majority of cases, online blackmail threats from strangers are hollow ones. There are a number of spam emails doing the rounds which can sound shockingly convincing; the meat of most of them is, “We’ve captured video footage of you masturbating to porn, and we’re going to share it with your family”.

Here’s an example of a common spam email that’s been making the rounds for years. Note the lack of decent grammar. That’s really the most offensive part.

“You don’t know me and you’re thinking why you received this e mail, right?

Well, I actually placed a malware on the porn website and guess what, you visited this web site to have fun (you know what I mean). While you were watching the video, your web browser acted as a RDP (Remote Desktop) and a keylogger which provided me access to your display screen and webcam. Right after that, my software gathered all your contacts from your Messenger, Facebook account, and email account.

What exactly did I do?

I made a split-screen video. First part recorded the video you were viewing (you’ve got a fine taste haha), and next part recorded your webcam (Yep! It’s you doing nasty things!).

What should you do?

Well, I believe, $1400 is a fair price for our little secret.”

Sounds scary, right? But there’s nothing there that should alarm you. Unless, however, the blackmailer provides specific, detailed information that directly relates to you, the threat is fake.

And, even if some of your personal information is included, it’s likely just a trick. Spammers often use leaked personal information like this to try and convince you that they have remote access to your device.

These emails are sent out en masse to see who bites. Bin it, block the sender, and move on with your life.

Decide how to respond

So, you’ve assessed that the threat is a real one. How you ultimately plan to deal with it affects what you should do next.

If you think you can safely go to the police, do so. Do it immediately and without reservation. It is their job to catch people who commit crimes. They may not always be good at it, but they have resources and knowledge that you do not, and will advise you about engaging with the blackmailer.

The National Crime Agency’s page on sextorition is a good starting point for anyone dealing with a real blackmail threat. You can get in touch with your local police force by calling 101 in most places in the UK.

If you enjoy a little light spanking in your spare time, however, you might not feel safe speaking to the police. I don’t blame you.

If you’re dealing with this on your own, then, the best option is to avoid engaging with the blackmailer as much as possible. Don’t reply to their messages. Block them. Change your email address. Do whatever you can to isolate yourself from them.

Beat them to it

In certain cases, you may be able to neuter the material the blackmailer has on you by simply divulging the information yourself. If they’re threatening to tell people you’re gay, come out. If they’re threatening to get in touch with your place of work, tell your boss you’re being blackmailed.

Tell your friends and family to treat anything they’re sent with the utmost suspicion, and make it widely known that someone out there is spreading shit about you. This may seem like far from the ideal solution, but it serves to return the power in the situation to you, and may be enough to make the blackmailer move on.

Never give in

Most blackmail attempts come with a demand attached. Often it’s for money, but sometimes it’s for sex, pictures or other materials. If the price is low enough, you may be tempted to give the blackmailer what they want in order to stop them from divulging what they have on you.

Don’t do this. If you do, there is a 0% chance that they will destroy the material they hold and leave you alone, and a 100% chance that they (having ascertained your vulnerability to blackmail) will continue to extort you for as long as they possibly can.

Look after yourself

Dealing with a blackmailer – even if it turns out to be an empty threat – can be an incredibly stressful experience. In the midst of resolving the issue as best you can, don’t forget to look out for your own mental health and general wellbeing.

Find someone you can talk to about the situation, even if you have to leave out a whole bunch of details. Distract yourself. Do things that make you feel good, and allow you to forget about the threats for at least some of your day. You’ll get through this, just like anything.