They film themselves fucking in their attic bedroom on a day that’s unnaturally quiet. No traffic. No planes in the sky. It’s cloudless out there, and the sky is so blue that it lights their bodies through the skylight. Blue all along their soft edges. They ripple together. They whisper. At one point, as he drives down into her with his arm around her throat, she looks to the camera. Locks eyes with the camera.
And then she looks away again.
When he watches back the video (which he will do many times), this moment of eye contact will strike him every time. A year on, and it feels exactly as it did the first time. Like she’s looking not into a camera but into his eyes, across time, across distance.
It’s a knowing look. Perhaps she does know, he thinks, that he is watching. Perhaps the glance is for him. For a hundred different versions of him. The him who watches back the footage right afterwards, lying sweaty and exhausted with her in their attic bedroom. The him who watches it a week later on his laptop, the sound down, while they talk dirty on the phone. The him who watches it again, masturbating in a hotel room, missing her. The him who watches it with her, two years on, and laughs at their little whispers, their moments of awkwardness. The him who watches it five years on, and is shocked by how young their bodies look. The him who watches it and feels arousal. The him who watches it and feels nostalgia. The dozen hims who watch it when they are apart, and he is longing for her, and he is desperately horny and wants to come. The dozen hims who watch it when he is travelling, and apart from her, and just wishes to hear her voice.
In that moment, looking out from that frozen day of unnatural quiet in their attic bedroom, she locks eyes with them all. Across time. Across distance. And it strikes him every time, just as it did the first.
And, after the briefest of moments, she looks away.
*
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I really enjoyed this – despite being so short it prompts many thoughts – somewhere there are still pictures of my wife taken 40 years ago which prompt exactly that mixture of arousal and sadness this story captures. Thanks
I’m glad it reached you. It’s a feeling I’ve been trying to capture in writing for a while now.
This is a wonderful piece! Very well done! I love the concept, the longevity of it. Stirs more than just arousal.
Thank you. So glad you enjoyed it!
Holy tingles! this was an amazing read! XO
Thanks for reading!
Stunning piece of writing yet again. So strong and powerful, that moment she locked eyes!
~ Marie xox
Thank you!
[…] Rewind by Kristan XThe idea of this is really clever and it goes beyond smuttiness to explore with great poignancy both ageing and loss. I sometimes wonder what former lovers I long ago lost contact with are doing, where they are, how they look. I have no film to remind me, just memories. This was brilliant, a slight tale on first reading that offered more on subsequent readings – always a sign of good writing. […]
This is so sad. The terrible dance of time taking you further away from that moment. Beautifully written. It makes me cry.